Redefining MommyhoodJourney of a mom whose son is overcoming hypotonia

On top of everything that happened at Mommy & Me today, the teacher also went around the room to talk to all of us about school for next term. This is the second Mommy & Me class we have done. Luke technically should have gone into the “All By Myself” class this time, but he wasn’t allowed because he wasn’t walking. That was ok with me in the end, since I wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone to fend for himself. I am even more worried about that after today’s incident! Luke is already one of the oldest toddlers in our class. His teacher suggested that he do ANOTHER Mommy & Me session after this, then possibly do the All By Myself over the summer session, which would be 2 days a week from 9am-noon. Most of the other moms in the class seem to be stressing over this whole preschool thing and are registering their kids for the fall already!

It’s hard for any mom to leave their child alone for the first time, especially when they have any sort of “issue”. Everyone seems to be so concerned with getting their toddlers into “preschool” at the age of 2. I always thought that traditional preschool started at the age of 3?? I really don’t see what the big deal is, as long as they are learning things at home and being socialized through other classes, groups, storytime etc. Maybe I am just being my paranoid, neurotic self, but I think Luke will be ok if he isn’t in formal school until after his 3rd birthday. He will be starting Kindergarten before I know it, so shouldn’t he (and I) enjoy this time as a toddler? Not to mention, this school is fairly expensive. I would much rather spend the money doing other fun things and therapy options to make sure he is fully caught up by the time he does go to kindergarten, or even pre-k.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill here, or do I have a valid point?

I’ve been so happy the past couple weeks with everything new that Luke is doing. He is standing independently, taking steps, and getting into a standing position from the floor by himself! I have been really feeling like he is on the road to “normalcy” until today…

We had Mommy & Me class today and everything went well until around noon. We had just gotten done doing “Ring Around The Rosie” on the parachute, Luke was standing slightly behind me and all of the sudden, for no apparent reason, he fell over like a tree in the woods! Usually when he loses his balance while standing, he will bend his knees and fall with his hands down. Not this time. He fell flat backwards, onto the hard concrete floor that only has indoor/outdoor carpet covering it and smacked his head on the floor! Everyone heard him hit and gasped. It sounded like a bowling ball being dropped onto concrete. Luckily, it didn’t knock him out, but he was screaming and sobbing. He had a small, red spot on his head where he hit. The teacher gave us an ice pack, but he wanted nothing to do with it! She was more freaked out than I was and said that I shouldn’t let him fall asleep on the way home. I have to drive 30 minutes, so I knew he would probably fall asleep! She suggested that I take him to his pediatrician, since he is only down the street from school.

I took Luke into the doctor’s office. He checked him out and didn’t see any signs of concussion or other injury. He said as long as he didn’t go unconscious, he should be ok, but to keep a close eye on him for 24 hours. He has been his normal self today, maybe a little crankier. I’m sure his head is sore, so I gave him a little Tylenol when we got home.

I know that all kids get bumps and bruises and eventually hit their head on things, but not like this. I wouldn’t have been as worried about the overall picture if he had just fallen off of something, but he fell over for no reason. Luke still has some sort of issue with balance and depth perception. I don’t know if there is something being overlooked or if it’s just part of his developmental delays that will get better with time as he gets stronger and more coordinated.

I’m trying not to let today’s little setback get me down. Luke has been doing so well and has come so far in just the past few months:)

I have been working very hard to do my daily positive affirmations. I made it a point to say a bunch to myself in the shower this morning. It’s amazing how much better it makes me feel and how wonderful my days end up being from saying them!

It’s a beautiful day out today, chilly, but warm in the sunshine. Luke and I had lunch, then went out in the backyard to play for a bit in his sandbox. He has been taking more and more independent steps this week. Monday at PT he took 5 all by himself! I wanted to try and get him to walk in the grass (with his shoes and DAFOs) since it’s an uneven surface. He was standing pretty close to our fence when he heard a dog bark. He thought it was the neighbor’s little dog, so he wanted to walk over to the fence to try and look through. He took a total of 21 small steps to get there!!! It took him a bit and he lost his balance once, but he didn’t fall and he kept going! I was so proud, and I could tell that he was very proud of himself too!!

I think a lot of Luke’s issue with walking now is confidence. Since he knows that he can take a few steps by himself, he seems to be building on that to get further. Next week he will be running (my positive affirmation for him)!!!:-)

My sister and her youngest daughter came to visit over the weekend. We spent the day walking around St. Augustine and being tourists. We were walking along George St. checking out the shops, when I overheard 2 moms chatting. They both had sons that were 15 months old. The one boy was walking along with his parents, while the other was in his stroller. I heard the mom with the boy in the stroller say “look, see that boy, that is what you are supposed to be doing”. The mom of the walking boy said that he started walking shortly after his 1st birthday. The non-walking boy mom said “well, he is just starting to walk, so he will get there”.

It’s amazing how much we moms compare our children to others. What is “normal” for one, may not be “normal” for another. I have definitely learned that children all do things in their own time. There sometimes isn’t an explanation for things. We would be so much better off if we could sit back and just enjoy these early years with our children and appreciate them for who they are. I know it’s hard not to worry and wonder. I still do it everyday!

We had a breakthrough yesterday during our in-home physical therapy. Luke has not been cooperating very well for the therapist, but she was playing with some of his blocks and he decided he wanted to play. He likes to take his toy tools and break apart his Mega Blocks. The PT had some of the blocks in her hand while Luke was standing. He would swing the toy tool (probably not the safest thing to do!) and break the blocks apart. She kept backing up and Luke eventually took 4 steps total!! He even fell forward, put his hands on the floor, then stood back up all by himself!! The therapist was so happy, but she didn’t dare cheer too loudly because she didn’t want to scare him and have him drop to the floor. Luke took a couple tiny steps 2 weeks ago at his other therapy, but these were true steps!!! Yay!!! I’m going to keep practicing with him using his blocks. I know once he feels confident with that, he will decide to take steps while doing other things:)

Luke had his first experience with horseback riding today. They aren’t a certified hippotherapy location, but he can do therapeutic riding. He cried the first couple times we put him up on the horse, but once he started walking, he loved it! They walked him around for about 30 minutes. We are hoping to go back again next weekend.

Luke so far this week has not wanted to cooperate with his physical therapists. I am almost to the point where I feel like it’s a waste of time for all of us. He is definitely acting like a two year old now!

I was very frustrated today after our therapist left. He doesn’t want to do much for her and we haven’t really been shown much to do with him that is new. I remembered reading about horseback riding as a form of physical therapy. It is called hippotherapy. I found two places that are certified to do it, but they are both about an hour and a half drive from our house. I thought that he could still benefit from ordinary horseback riding though. There is an agricultural museum semi close to us that does lessons. I’ve been meaning to make a trip out there to check the place out, but we haven’t gone yet. I called them today and set up an appointment for this weekend for Luke to try therapeutic riding. The instructor has a daughter with special needs, so she knows exactly where we are coming from. How refreshing for us! She said that the therapeutic riding that she can show him is more enjoyable for the kids whereas hippotherapy is more actual “work” for them and they don’t always enjoy it. She said she started her daughter with riding, then tried to switch her to hippotherapy and she hated it.

I’m hoping this new type of therapy will be a fun experience for all of us. Luke loves animals and it’s always nice to do something outdoors. He’s seen horses up close, but never been on one, so we will see how the first session goes:)

I’m also trying to find somewhere for him to do some aquatic type therapies. If I can’t find anything, I may just sign him up for swim lessons locally. That will be fun, useful and therapeutic.

I mentioned a couple posts ago that I started going back to my “Inner Journey” class. We are reading Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life”. I was amazed when I read her personal story where she said she remembered her parents divorcing when she was only 18 months old. Our instructor said that from a very young age, and even in utero, things are stored in our subconscious. There have been studies done on this where patients have been asked certain questions while under hypnosis. They later discovered things they said while under occurred while their mother was pregnant with them! I know, it’s far fetched and I’m not sure if I completely believe it myself. I do believe that we can remember things from when were are very young though, so maybe?

This got me thinking about Luke. While I was pregnant and going to class, all of the women kept saying how lucky my baby was for being in class and being “enlightened”. They said he would come into this world ahead of the spiritual game and would be a “yogi” of sorts. Oh, by the way, I should mention that Luke’s name means “bringer of light”. I mentioned this last week to my instructor and told her that maybe Luke is the way he is because of these In Utero Subliminal Messages. She thought it could be possible (of course!). He is very laid back and sweet, not to mention flexible like a yogi!

Who knows, maybe this isn’t a bunch of hocus pocus. Or maybe it’s just me trying to make sense of things and come up with an answer of my own. What do you think?

I spend the majority of my blog time talking about Luke’s hypotonia and the journey we have been on for the past year or so to get him caught up. He has come a long way since he started physical therapy in May of 2009. He had PT today at Brooks Rehab. He stood independently for a few minutes and even took a couple steps on his own! The therapist and I were very excited!

While we were in the waiting area waiting for our therapist, there was an older man and woman chatting. They were both in wheelchairs. The woman mentioned something about a stroke, but I’m not sure what happened to the man. They were comparing notes about different nursing homes in the area. The man said that he is 61 years old! He is younger than Luke’s grandpas! I know he has family because he was talking to me about Luke and mentioned that he had just seen his 4 year old grandson. It made me really sad!

No matter what we have going on in our lives, or how bad things seem, we are given our lives for a reason. We need to make the most of them while we can. Luke can’t walk right now, but there are plenty of adults who could walk as toddlers, but they can’t now. You never know what this life has in store for you.

Luke was given to me for many reasons. I accept him the way he is (this took a little while for me to do though) and continue to work along with him to give him the best life possible. That is what any parent does (or should do), no matter the circumstances. I am very lucky to have him in my life:)

Hello everyone! I was pleasantly surprised to find comments on here from some new readers:) Thank you so much for taking time to stop by and hear/read what I have to say. I replied to your comments on the comment section, so please check it out!

I apologize for the lack of content lately. I have so many things going on during the week and so many projects to do around the house, I’ve let my computer take a backseat for awhile. I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing though! I do plan on getting back into the swing of things soon though, especially now that I know there are people out there in bloggy world reading mine:)

Not a whole lot new has been going on since the holidays. Santa brought Luke a lot of fun and therapeutic toys. I am hoping to post some pictures of them soon. We had a quiet New Years. I stayed up to watch the ball drop, then went to bed! I think my hubby stayed up for a little longer than me, but he wasn’t doing anything exciting. We are getting so old!!

Speaking of which, I also just turned 34 a few weeks ago. My hubby celebrated his birthday 5 days later. He turned 36, so he will always be the “old” one On a personal note, I am happy to be returning to my “Inner Journey” class. When we first moved here 3 years ago, I found this class that discusses looking inward and working on yourself. We talk a lot about spirituality and read some New Age-y type books. We read “The Secret” and “Divine Magic” by Doreen Virtue. I attended 3 terms before I had Luke. The class was mostly older women and one man:) They were all really sweet and even gave me a baby shower! I have kept in touch with a couple of the ladies as well as the teacher. She recently decided to offer a night class, so I am able to go again. I am so happy to be back in the class with like-minded people where we are free to speak our minds and opinions without feeling like we will be judged. The class changed my life and has made me a more positive person.

As far as Luke’s therapy goes, I am starting to feel like we have hit a plateau. He refuses to cooperate with our Early Steps PT when she comes now. She hasn’t really shown us anything new in the past few months. The PT we were seeing at the out-patient rehab quit a few months ago, so we have a new PT. I like her, but she doesn’t show us as many strengthening exercises. She basically just has Luke walk with a push toy and tries to get him to walk while holding onto one finger. I feel like we can do this at home (which we do everyday!) and save ourselves the $25 co-pay once a week. We are seeing another new girl this week, so maybe she will have some new techniques for us. I really think the DAFOs are helping Luke’s form and hopefully making him stronger since he is now working the muscles the correct way.

In pet news, my other cat, Smokey is sick. If it’s not one, it’s the other! He almost died 2 years ago from pneumonia. We managed to save him even though the vets told us if we brought him home, he would die. We are crazy pet people! We went so far as to create an oxygen tent for him and rent a tank to hook up to it. He started showing signs of pneumonia again, so I rushed him back to the vet yesterday. The xrays show fluid/puss etc and he has a mild case of it again. He is back on antibiotics and I’ve been “vaporizing” him in the bathroom once a day. He is nowhere near as sick as last time, thank God! We hopefully won’t have to recreate the tent!

Ok, I feel better now that I updated my blog!! It’s time for me to do some homework for my “Inner Journey” class. Goodnight to everyone in the blogosphere! Keep your wonderful comments coming. I feel like I have found a great purpose in life by sharing these experiences with you.

Hugs!!!