Posted by admin | Posted in Mommyhood, hypotonia | Posted on 14-08-2009
Tags: gross motor delay, gross motor skills, hypotonia, kids, moms, moms club, special needs
Becoming friends with moms with “normal” kids can be challenging. I became friends with a mom who has a child around the same age as Luke about 8 months ago. We met up for playdates and even talked about getting our husbands together one weekend. It seemed like after time went on and her child’s gross motor skills progressed on schedule, but Luke’s did not, we quit hearing from her. I’ve tried to get together with them a few times lately, but it never seems to happen. I’m a paranoid person sometimes, so of course now I’m wondering “did I do something to make her not like me, or is it because Luke can’t keep up with her child?”
It’s just sad to think that someone would be that shallow. All children deserve the chance to interact with other children their age, even if they aren’t on the same developmental level. If her child didn’t seem to be on the same cognitive level as Luke, I wouldn’t use that as a reason not to let them play together!
No mom wants to admit that their child has “special needs”, but hypotonia and gross motor delays do present their own set of special issues. Making friends is just one example.
I think its great that you are using this Blog to jot down all your thoughts thru this journey . When I was going thru the height of Matthew’s autism disorder I used a LiveJournal to get all my feelings out and it really helped. Some of the stuff I wrote on there I found I couldn’t even utter the words to even Lance, but it sure did feel good to release some of that even if it was just in a journal.
It is very difficult making friends sometimes when your child is special needs. I used to hate going to my co-worker’s kids b-day parties or Matthew’s preschool friends b-day parties, because Matthew would be shy, act weird, and get very frustrated and upset because of all the sensory overload that a b-day party entails. It was embarassing and horrible. And it’s when you are around the so called ‘normal’ kids you really see just how different your own child is from them and the struggles they have on a daily basis. I know how this feels…I still live it daily although it has gotten better. I met a bunch of Moms who’s children were also on the spectrum and in therapy w/ Matthew, and it’s there where I found a place of understanding and where I felt we both fit in. Along our journey thru autism, we all helped each other thru the bad times, gave each other support, understanding, and advice. It helped tremendously and for the first time I felt I was not alone. Is there a support group for mothers of children w/ hypotonia in your area? If so, join and make friends w/ Moms who know what you are going thru. If there isn’t one, think about starting one of your own. I cant tell you just how much this helped Lance and I get thru the difficult times. We needed to know we weren’t alone and could talk to people who knew exactly how we felt and what we were going thru. You can tell your family and friends what it’s like to have a child w/ hypotonia but until they have walked a mile in your shoes they will never understand. I learned that the hard way. My autism moms don’t need me to ever explain myself…they get it, understand it, live it, and never judge. My family, on the other hand a whole different story…because they just don’t or can’t understand. And let me just tell you, if that friend of yours truly is ignoring you because of all of this, than she isnt a true friend and you need to drop her like a bad habit.
Hang in there…I think you are an incredible mother and your little one is the luckiest little guy to have you in his life. He will get thru this and it will be because of your perseverance and love for him. Always remember that. Call me if you ever need to talk.
Hugs,
Bobbie
Totally agree with Bobbie who said some very thoughtful things!
Parents of ‘normal’ kids just never understand unless they’ve had some personal experience, so don’t waste time worrying about this mum. You will make much more valuable friendships persuing friendships with mums who understand what you’re going through (like the support group Bobbie suggested).
I’ve found these years with my 2 year old very isolating. I lost most of my friendships (& some family) because people just didn’t get it & unintentionally said stupid & hurtful things, or basically just wrote me off because I can’t just get out & about to see them whenever I want because I have to consider my kid’s weak immune system.
Because he gets so sick I have no choice but to miss out on things like mothers group & playgroup & ‘normal’ things, so I find it hard to relate to ‘normal’ mums too.
I’ve found the friendships I’ve made through my blog & net forums to be invaluable, people who understand & can relate, & are happy to maintain a friendship knowing that playdates etc just aren’t possible!
Good luck with everything.